Oversize

Musical Artist, Cultural Guest Saara-Elina Partanen’s Road to Ballet Dancer broke into \”overweight\”

He came from Oulu to Helsinki to study as a ballet dancer. Partanen was 17 years old.

– I was equipped with an exceptionally good self -esteem and I had clear goals.

Partanen thought that he would become a successful ballet dancer who would make a career in some European contemporary ballet group.

The opposite happened.

Partanen, 35, is now one of Finland’s most employed musical artists. He is currently performing in the ensemble of Helsinki City Theatre’s *Moulin Rouge* musical and is responsible for the internal placement system of the dancing, singing and acting work group.

The beard is called the \”dance captain\” in the theater.

Partanen, who was pushing for his dreams towards the Finnish National Opera and Ballet Ballet School, realized quite soon that he might never become a ballet dancer.

– It became quite clear that they were useless dreams, he says now.

According to his own words, Partanen was subject to continuous criticism at the Ballet Academy. The reasons were both the body and the technology.

– Now that I look back, I have been really anxious and depressed throughout my studies.

A friend helped

Growing up in Oulu, Partanen already knew as a little girl that she wanted to be a dancer. He applied to the Ballet Academy for the first time at the age of 15, but failed the entrance exams.

– I had a really hard drive to get in.

The level of the applicants hit Partanen with a smile.

– It was quite a shock when there were young people in the entrance exams who had been training for a profession since elementary school.

Partanen, who practiced ballet seriously in Oulu, did not give up. He tried again. A friend who got into the ballet school helped me prepare for the entrance exams. Partanen trained like crazy.

– I didn’t get much support for the matter in Oulu otherwise. No one really believed that I would get into the industry.

The young person who wanted a ballet dancer from his parents received full support.

Partanen was 16 when he was approved by a ballet school. He turned 17 when his studies began.

The parents let their daughter go to Helsinki to study in a panicked mood. They understood that he would otherwise regret a wasted opportunity for the rest of his life.

During the day, Partanen practiced ballet and in the evenings, like other colleagues, he attended high school.

Then the difficulties began.

Ten kilos too much

Already at the beginning of the studies, a ballet student who moved to Kallio in Helsinki became an eye.

– I got negative feedback all the time, but in the back of my head, someone said don’t believe what they are saying to you.

Partanen had started training to become a ballet dancer when he was \”old\”. He was constantly told that he was not technically good enough.

– The commenting was really harsh, he says now.

Partanen’s body was also observed.

– It was the worst from the adults around. From teachers who, of course, out of their goodness wanted to help me so that I could become better.

It was made clear to Partase that he is \”too big\” to be a ballet dancer.

– I always had the classic ten kilos too much.

Partanen developed a survival mechanism. He defended his \”big\” size for himself and others. Partanen played with the idea that he can be a ballet professional despite all the criticism. A pioneer who does not fit in the ballet’s tight mold.

– It went through some difficult times.

Some of the student fellow students also wanted to help him. Partanen received various eating advice.

– They gave them good goodness. At that time, the ballet still had a lot of thought that you had to be in a very small condition.

The self -esteem of the young woman began to crumble. Partanen became ill with an eating disorder.

I cried at night

The food became Partanen’s new enemy and a cunning friend at the ballet school. He began to observe his eating neurotically.

– I either didn’t eat anything or I was really terribly bouncing.

All food-related conversation sounded to Partanen’s ears like he needs to eat even less. Partanen started to avoid other people during lunchtime. He was afraid of eating in front of others.

It was also difficult to go to Oulu with the family.

– I didn’t want to go home because I was afraid of someone to notice how much I was eating.

Partanen’s life became a calculation that the food dominated. Binge attacks were the worst.

– I had a terrible conscience. I cried at night and did muscle movements. There was no head or tail.

At the same time, the Ballet Academy studied nutrition under the leadership of the best teachers in the field. Partanen believed that maybe he could overcome the criticism aimed at his body and become smaller.

– I dreamed of a ballet school that I could be anorectic. I could not eat anything.

In the boys’ training

Partanen remembers the best of his life.

Now, the 77-year-old Ullate is the key to the whole classic ballet in Spain. He occasionally went to school to teach, and then Ullate made a Finnish dancer to practice with the boys.

– He has been the only teacher who has strengthened my psyche during my ballet years. Fernandez said that yes, the profession shapes you into the right model. He urged to focus on hard technical training and not on losing weight.

Eating advice echoed into the deaf ears. Partanen trained like crazy, and he could eat a week from pineapple, minced meat or broccoli and pulls on \”terrible quantities of liquid removers.\”

The lifestyle led to the body. Partanen was dropped to a Madrid hospital. He was diagnosed with kidney inflammation.

The wall came across

Partanen, who fought against windmills, started to lose his mind in the last meters of the Ballet School. He had also drifted into a harmful relationship. The young woman’s mental health was put to the test.

Partanen, who wanted a ballet dancer profession, had heard in different contexts how he was in many ways too much in the ideal world of the ballet.

He was too big and too heavy. Too round and talkative. His gestures were too big in the solo number.

The dreams of a ballet dancer career crashed in the summer of 2009.

Greve did not want to comment on the matter to Yle. He led the National Ballet in 2008–2018. Greve was relieved of his duties due to improper conduct.

Partenen collapsed. The feeling was terrible.

– I thought life was over. That I will never dance again.

The musical takes you along

Now 15 years later, Partanen is the mother of 3- and 5-year-old children. The spouse is also a professional dancer.

Partanen has appeared in the last ten years in musicals in Finland’s largest theaters and studied singer.

After a ballet school, Partanen went to study as a dance teacher in Oulu and ended up with friends with Nelonen’s *Dance *program. He had to leave the race due to a shoulder injury.

The top performing professional still hasn’t gotten over the old traumas left by studying ballet. Partanen still experiences a feeling of inadequacy in, for example, auditions.

Eating disorder also goes with life.

\”It’s there, and I don’t think it will ever disappear,\” Partanen says.

Soon, Partanen dresses up as a cabaret dancer again, waits backstage for a signal and rushes onto the stage in the group of performers of the *Moulin Rouge* musical. For him, *Moulin Rouge* is the \”absolutely most demanding\” production of his career.

There are at least a hundred performances ahead.

– Building a musical is absolutely wonderful community work. It feels wonderful in the body and mind when sound and movement raise adrenaline and pleasure hormones to the ceiling.